It's a Gourry Life!
by Nova-chan
Summary: Gourry's is fed up with being treated like an idiot, so he runs away, hits his head, and gets a different view of things.


It's a Gourry Life!  
  
  
  
Author: Nova-sama  
  
E-mail: IlovemenoV@aol.com  
  
Rating: G  
  
Series: Slayers  
  
Summary: Gourry's getting tired of everyone calling him stupid and getting mad at him for not understanding and just mistreating him. (Who knew the big oaf had feelings, ne? SEE! I'M DOING IT NOW!) Anyway, he runs away from his friends to just take a little break from them picking on him. He gets the chance to see what the world would be like without him! So, is the Slayers world better, or worse without Gourry? Find out!  
  
Disclaimer: Nope.wait, lemme check.no, I still don't own Slayers. I'm still waiting for my application to pull through, though! (Ooh, uh, I don't own DBZ either, they refused my proposal. L)  
  
  
  
  
  
"So," Gourry said, "what you're saying is, if chickens could fly, we'd never have any of it fried?"  
  
Zelgadis sweatdropped. "Gourry.I was explaining the difference between solid and liquid."  
  
"So was I."  
  
"Never mind. Just.never mind."  
  
  
  
  
  
A little later, the blond swordsman leaned over Xelloss as he read over the latest development of "THE PLAN."  
  
"Ooh!" he cried. "Whatcha doin?"  
  
Xelloss' heart (does he have one?) leapt into his throat. "BAKAYARO! GO AWAY! NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO READ THE MAZOKU EVIL PLANS!!"  
  
"Sheesh!" Gourry exclaimed. "Tou-chy!"  
  
  
  
  
  
"Lina-chan?"  
  
"Yes, Gourry?"  
  
"What's the difference between pi and pie?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Pi and pie. What's the difference?"  
  
"Oh, you mean pi the math thing and pie the eating thing?"  
  
"No, I meant fried chicken."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"YOU!"  
  
"Oh.I dunno."  
  
Lina sweatdropped. "GOURRY! SOMETIMES I THINK YOU DO THIS STUFF ON PURPOSE! IF YOU DO, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT IT'S NOT FUNNY!!"  
  
Gourry looked at her sadly. "Well, if you guys don't want me around, then I'll just leave!"  
  
He ran into the woods, leaving a dumbfounded Lina sitting there.  
  
"Gourry.I yell at you all the time," she whispered. "What did I say?"  
  
  
  
  
  
Once Gourry was out of breath, he sat down on a fallen tree. "They think they can just take me for granted! Well, they can't! I don't have to listen to them. I can do just fine on my own."  
  
Before he knew it, the log started rolling down the hill, slow at first, and then picking up speed.  
  
Soon, he was running on it to keep from falling off. The log, along with Gourry, plummeted into a ravine.  
  
  
  
Gourry rubbed his eyes and looked around.  
  
"What happened?" he wondered, hoarsely.  
  
"You plummeted into a ravine, hit your head, fell into unconsciousness, started drooling, I woke you up, and then you asked what happened and I said you plummeted into a ravine, hit your head.but that's just going over what I already said," someone answered.  
  
Gourry looked up to see a girl with short, blonde hair who was looking at him like Xelloss would.  
  
"Nova-chan?" he wondered.  
  
"Hi Goo-chan!" she replied.  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"Well, I was sent by your guardian angel who is taking a vacation to help you out! And lemme tell you: I can do a much better job than she could!" Nova smiled.  
  
"Really? Cool!"  
  
"Now, listen, Gourry-chan, you shouldn't put yourself down. Why, the world is a HORRIBLE and NIGHTMARISH place without you!!"  
  
"Nuh-uh!" Gourry shook his head. "They'd all be better off without me!"  
  
"Famous last words," Nova mumbled. "Anyway, since you think that about everything, I'll let you see what the world WOULD be like if you were never born!!"  
  
"Neat!!"  
  
"Let's go!"  
  
"Where are we going?"  
  
"Back in time, Gourry!" Nova grinned. "I borrowed Mirai's new and improved time machine! There's a feature you can use to erase someone from the past!"  
  
"Wow! Let's erase Xelloss!"  
  
"No! She likes Xelloss."  
  
"Who does?"  
  
"Nova-chan."  
  
"You like Xelloss?"  
  
"No, Nova-chan does!"  
  
"I thought you were Nova-chan."  
  
"No, I'm Nova-chan's speaker."  
  
"Oh.okay?"  
  
"Let's erase you from ever being born!"  
  
"Okay, cool!"  
  
Nova walked into the machine that she had popped out of a capsule. Gourry followed her, marveling at its bigness.  
  
"Gee, this thing is cool!" he exclaimed.  
  
"Hai, hai it is! Now where's that erase someone from the past button?" She found it sitting beside the erase an entire people button. She pressed a few keys until she had it set to erase Gourry.  
  
"All righty! We're ready!" Nova pressed the ignition and they were off! They went to the exact date they had left, only in the alternate universe.  
  
She and Gourry slowly stepped out of the time capsule. They were still in the jungle.  
  
"Well, I don't think it's much different," Nova said, scratching her head.  
  
"OH, WOW!" a little girl exclaimed, running by. "THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!"  
  
"See," Gourry said, "I toldja the world would be better off without me."  
  
"Oh, come on! Not EVERYTHING'S better!"  
  
  
  
  
  
Nova and Gourry walked toward a city that Lina-tachi had recently visited in the real universe. All was exactly the same.except for the menacingly large castle in the middle of it all.  
  
Gourry gaped when he saw this and didn't remember it.  
  
"Hey look!" Nova shrieked. "There's another one right over there!!"  
  
Gourry looked at an equally large castle directly across from the first.  
  
He crossed his arms. "Two people didn't get to be royalty because of me!"  
  
"Yeah, but what if they're MISERABLE and SO SURROUNDED BY EXPENSIVE DOGGIES AND FOUNTAINS that they can't stand it?" Nova suggested.  
  
"Hmmph."  
  
  
  
  
  
"You know, Goo-chan, SOMEBODY has to be unhappy with you never being born."  
  
  
  
"Suuuuuuuuuure." Gourry frowned.  
  
They walked down a busy street that lay in between the two giant castles. On the corner, sat a girl selling flowers.  
  
"See?" Nova said, happily. "SHE'S unhappy."  
  
"No she's not." Gourry looked down at his boots.  
  
"Let's ask her. She'll tell us!"  
  
Gourry and Nova walked to the girl. "Excuse me," Nova said. "Who are you, and are you unhappy?"  
  
The girl looked at them. She sniffled. "I USED to be the Ta-jin no Ouja, but then when I came to this planet, my bodyguard/big buddy/sparring partner got killed when she slipped down in a supermarket spill. She cracked her skull. She was the only one who could fix the spaceship. So, now I have to pay for a mechanic to fix it and I don't have any earth monies so I hafta sell these little pink flowers. So, of course I'm unhappy!"  
  
Nova's jaw dropped. "Y-you're Nova-chan?"  
  
"Yep." The girl smiled sadly.  
  
Gourry stared. "I.once put a sign up in a supermarket that said, `Caution: Wet Floor.' That was the day I met you guys!"  
  
"YOU SAVED KIMI-SAN FROM AN UNTIMELY DEATH! YOU SAVED ME FROM SELLING FLOWERS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE TO GET HOME! GOO-CHAN! I LOVE YOU!!!!"  
  
"Well.I guess that's ONE thing good that happened because of me." He gave a little smile.  
  
"Um, I'm sorry to bother you again," Nova said, tapping pseudo-Nova. "But, who lives in those castles?"  
  
"Queen Inverse and King Metallium," the flower-selling Nova answered. "They're great rivals, who are constantly trying to ruin each other."  
  
"LINA AND XELLOSS AND THE KING AND QUEEN OF THE WORLD?!" Gourry screamed.  
  
"They're not the king and queen of the world-"  
  
"They ARE a lot better of without me!" he wailed.  
  
"But, they hate each other!" Nova exclaimed.  
  
"Yeah, but Lina's rich! She ALWAYS wanted to be rich!!" Gourry argued.  
  
"Well, let's just see how happy they are!"  
  
  
  
  
  
Nova banged on Lina's castle door. "LINA-CHAN!! OPEN UP!!"  
  
"That's Lina-sama to you, little girl!" a tall, extremely well-endowed redheaded girl, who somewhat favored Lina roared.  
  
"Lina.sama?" Nova said, confused.  
  
"Yes, the one and only."  
  
"Lina Inverse?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Lina, I'm gonna dragon slave your butt, Lina?"  
  
"YES!!"  
  
"Oh.you.you're BIG! And when I say big I mean BIG!!"  
  
"Why, thank you!" Lina exclaimed, proudly. "If I had had some big, idiotic blond sword-wielder hanging around me, I might have never reached my full potential!"  
  
Gourry glared at Nova, who laughed nervously, and said, "Aw, come on, Lina! You.you had surgery or something."  
  
"Nope. Everything you see is nothing but me!"  
  
"Ooh.lemme write that one down!!" Nova scribbled on a notepad.  
  
"Can we go now?" Gourry begged.  
  
"Yeah." Nova nodded. "We gotta go see how Xelloss is doing!"  
  
"Oh, if you're going to see him give him this," Lina said, snickering. She handed Nova a package.  
  
"Well.okay."  
  
  
  
  
  
"XELLOSS.SAMA!! COME OUT!! QUICK! WE WANNA TALK TO YOU!" Nova cried, banging on Xelloss' door this time.  
  
Xelloss opened the door slowly, making an eerie creaking sound.  
  
"Umm.Lina sent you this," Nova said, handing him the package.  
  
He looked at it, held it to his ear, heard the ticking of the bomb inside, and disintegrated it.  
  
"Is that all?" he asked.  
  
"Nope! We gotta question for you: Are you happy?"  
  
"Happy? Am I.happy?" Xelloss opened his eyes. "WHY, OF COURSE I'M HAPPY! With Xelas-sama ruling half of the city, I can get my revenge on Lina Inverse!"  
  
"Xelas? I thought you were ruling," Gourry said, confused.  
  
"That is merely a speculation." Xelloss shook his head. He opened his eyes again, to reveal giant sparkly pupils. "Xelas-sama is the most wonderful and beautiful ruler of the town! And I am her priest/masseuse."  
  
"I thought you were her priest/general," Nova said.  
  
"Masseuse. I am her priest/masseuse."  
  
"See," Nova whispered, "without you, he's not a general: he's a masseuse."  
  
  
  
  
  
"Everybody is happier without me!" Gourry wailed, as they walked down a different street. "Except you, Nova-chan."  
  
"Yes, Goo-chan! And I wanna STAY happy, too!" Nova shouted.  
  
"Well.if we find one more person who's unhappy without me, I'll go back," he decided.  
  
"You better hope we find someone," Nova grumbled.  
  
  
  
  
  
The two time-travelers walked down an abandoned alley.  
  
"Hey, I had a thought," Gourry said.  
  
"Really?" Nova replied.  
  
"Yeah. It felt weird."  
  
The sound of shuffling feet was heard just a few inches from the two.  
  
"Wh-what was that, Goo-chan?" Nova asked, nervously.  
  
"I-I don't know. It could've been a rat."  
  
"A WHAT!"  
  
"Or the demon headless platypus that haunts hidden alleys to this very day."  
  
Nova screamed and jumped into Gourry's arms as footsteps were heard near them.  
  
Gourry screamed too as the figure stepped into the light: "Zelly! I thought I'd never see you again!"  
  
Zelgadis twitched, nervously. "Wazzat? The cure, you say? Where?" He looked around himself, as if looking for something.  
  
"You haven't found the cure yet, Zelgadis," Nova told him.  
  
"Oh, you have the cure, all right. You just don't wanna tell me where you hid it." Zelgadis raised an eyebrow.  
  
"I think he's lost his marbles," Nova whispered.  
  
"Yeah.so do I." Gourry sweatdropped.  
  
"Hmm." Nova pondered for a minute. "Zelgadis! Are you happy?"  
  
"Happy you say?" Zelgadis chattered. "How can anybody be happy in the world where there's no cure for such diseases. Oh, they'll never know what a loss I am to them. I could have cured every sickness and disease and plague they threw at me. Yeah, I woulda done it too, if they had just given me my cure. Now they see what a leech to society their little diseases are, yes. Now they don't have Zelgadis Graywords to kick around anymore!"  
  
"Zelly! Calm down!" Nova shrieked.  
  
"Let's get outta here," Gourry suggested. "He's getting hysterical."  
  
  
  
The minute the two reached the main road, they found the city in a worse shape than Zelgadis. Fighting had broken out, probably between Lina and Xelloss, and the opposing sides were at fierce battle with each other.  
  
"We gotta do something, Goo-chan!" Nova exclaimed.  
  
Gourry looked around, at a loss for what to do. He did the first thing that he could.  
  
"Citizens of.Li-Xel!" he cried from atop a roof. The people ceased their fighting to stare at him. "Listen, all of you! This is wrong! It's bad and.well.stop. K?"  
  
The people looked at him for a moment, and then, surprisingly shrugged and went to their homes.  
  
"Goo-chan! You did it!" Nova shrieked.  
  
"I.did?"  
  
"Yep!!"  
  
"Woah. Neat!!"  
  
"Hey, waitaminute!" Lina and Xelloss exclaimed, walking into the street.  
  
"You can't just stop fighting! It's a war!" Lina shouted.  
  
"Yes, just because some moron tells you to stop fighting because it's wrong doesn't mean you should listen!" Xelloss agreed.  
  
"Well." Gourry tried to come up with a solution to the new problem. "Why don't you guys just fight?"  
  
Lina and Xelloss looked at Gourry, then at each other, shrugged, and launched into combat.  
  
Nova sweatdropped. "Well.I guess that's ONE way to deal with the problem."  
  
"Yeah! I'm a genius!" Gourry boasted.  
  
"Now let's not openly exclaim obscenities, Goo-chan."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Ready to go back to the normal world?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
  
  
  
  
Nova and Gourry reached the time capsule. "I hope Mirai-chan doesn't mind that I borrowed this. I mean, I didn't exactly ASK him or anything," Nova carried on to herself.  
  
She put in on the right settings and hopped in, along with Gourry.  
  
"So, have you learned anything?" she asked, before blasting off through time.  
  
"Yeah! I learned that if chickens really COULD fly, then we could still eat them, just not as often."  
  
Nova sweatdropped. "Okay.what?"  
  
"Ooh! And I learned that the evil Mazoku plan of the apocalypse is okay for me to see as long as Xelloss doesn't find out."  
  
"Well.I suppose that's true."  
  
"And, finally, I learned that pi=3.14, while pie is a delicious pastry that is filled with fruit, chocolate, or some other type of filling."  
  
"Goo-chan, shut up."  
  
"Okay."  
  
She pressed the button.  
  
  
  
  
  
Gourry sat up and rubbed his head.  
  
"You guys!" someone shouted. "He's waking up!"  
  
Gourry opened his eyes to see Lina, Zelgadis, and Xelloss sitting around him.  
  
There was a long silence before, "HEY GUYS!"  
  
Lina rubbed her ear. "Hello Gourry. Are you okay? You took quite a bump to the head, although I don't see any reason to be concerned about your noggin."  
  
"Where's Nova-chan?" he asked.  
  
"Why? Was she here?" Zelgadis wondered.  
  
"Yeah! And we traveled to the alternate world! See, at first, I wanted to erase Xelloss, but she was all like, `no, we gotta erase you,' so I was like, `oh, okay,' and so we went into the alternate thingie, and she was sitting on the side of the road selling flowers to get her spaceship repaired `cause Kimi-san died in an accident that I actually caused her to avoid in this world, but since I wasn't born in that world, she died, and then I saw you, Lina, you were the queen of the Lina part of town, and, Xelloss, you were the king of the Xelloss part, and then you were both at war with each other, and so, then me and Nova went to the alley, and found Zelgadis, and he was like bent on the whole cure thing, and we left and the people of Li-Xel were at war, and I stopped them with my negotiation powers, and they stopped, and then Lina and Xelloss were fighting and then.I think I got back in Mirai's time machine and came back here. But, I have no idea where Nova-chan is."  
  
There was silence.  
  
Then, "GOURRY! WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" Lina shrieked.  
  
"Um.I don't know."  
  
The group sweatdropped.  
  
"Gourry, you'll never change," Zelgadis said, shaking his head.  
  
"Aw, don't worry Zel!" Gourry exclaimed. "Neither do you!"  
  
"Why, thank you."  
  
  
  
  
  
What'd ya think? I liked it!! Anyway, gimme some feedback! This is the longest non-MST Slayers I've ever written, for goodness sakes!  
  
-Nova-sama 


End file.
